Stories & Reflections from a Family Medicine Physician Coach

Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections

Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.

I often talk with residents about what I term "performance mode" and how it negatively impacts us. It's that feeling of playing a persona in order to fit the mold, earn praise, and be accepted. We are socialized as we progress through premed and medical school to look for the approval of others -...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 11, 2025 alignment anxiety authenticity autonomy confidence detachment empowerment essence external approval feedback growth identity impact insecurity integrity introspection medical training mindset motivation perception performance mode persona presence reflection resilience self-awareness self-trust self-worth validation worthiness

Twin Perspectives: Story and Reflection

One day a few of years ago, my husband and I started watching Medici - the historical Netflix series set in medieval Italy. The two main brothers looked so much alike during those first two episodes. I kept getting so confused. After asking Mark for the 6th time which brother was speaking, he fin...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 11, 2025 acceptance adjustment attentiveness awareness balance clarity confusion distortion emotional regulation focus humility insight judgment lens mindfulness mindset narrative overwhelm patience perception perspective presence proportion reframe self-awareness self-reflection storytelling strengths values zooming-out

Alaskan Pause: Story and Reflection

One fall, 17 years ago, as I was driving in my new state of Alaska, I was in a bit of a hurry (as was a natural state for me at the time). So you can imagine, I was a bit annoyed when the line of cars in front of me didn't move when the light turned green. The middle lane was empty, so I decided ...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 11, 2025 adaptability assumptions attentiveness awareness behavioral patterns connection curiosity decision-making empathy growth humor impulse control interpretation learning mindfulness mindset misjudgment patience pausing perspective presence psychological safety reaction reflection restraint safety self-awareness self-regulation surprise understanding

The Dilemma: Story and Reflection

Many of you have heard me tell how being a great wife landed me in Alaska from Florida in 2007. It has been a fantastic decision. I don't often talk about the fears I had. I worried about moving an 8th grader away from good friends and the sunny beach to an unknown, cold, dark place (the story of...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 adaptation adjustment all-or-nothing binary thinking career catastrophizing compromise decision making emotional growth expansion fear flexibility gray-area identity mindset narrative opportunity options overthinking parenting perspective problem solving reframing resilience self-awareness success support transition trust vulnerability

Ziplining Snafu: Story and Reflection

When we explored Alaska with our 13-year-old before our move from Florida 17 years ago, we made sure to make it adventurous for her. We signed up for zip-lining in Ketchikan among the tall Western Hemlocks. I've never been a fan of heights (understatement of the year!), but I was determined. We r...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 action adventure agency behavior choice courage detachment embarassment emotion fear growth identity internalization labeling mindset naming narrative perception personal growth perspective reframing resilience self-awareness self-compassion self-definition self-talk shame transformation validation vulnerability

Burger Surprise: Story and Reflection

As many of you know, my husband loves to cook and is quite good at it. I had learned to make only two meals before marriage (I avoided the kitchen despite my mom's pleading). But I was suddenly eager to impress my husband with my expanding culinary feats. In those early days of wedding bliss, the...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 communication connection courage creativity culinary diappointment encouragement experimentation feedback fixed mindset growth honesty humility humor improvement intention kindness learning openness perseverance practice reflection relationship resilience self-awareness skill building trust vulnerability

Rumble of Renovation, Story and Reflection

I know I talk a lot about renovation - that's because I have spent no less than 19 years living in three different houses undergoing renovation by my husband - who has a day job! Plus, the experiences are so rich with lessons! So I want to take you back a few years. But first - Brene’ Brown defin...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 adaptability authenticity burnout collaboration communication compromise conflict resolution courage creativity curiosity emotional intelligence growth mindset healthcare impasse ingenuity innovation leadership listening mutual respect partnership perspective problem-solving reconstruction redesign renovation resilience rumble sustainability systems change teamwork vulnerability

Seat Swapping Story and Reflection

During our 30th anniversary trip, we explored new locales and discovered fantastic small restaurants that locals were trying hard to keep off TripAdvisor. One such gem was in Mainz, a cozy outdoor setting with beautiful ivy over the brick walls and around the fencing. If you have ever eaten out w...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 adaptability assessment attention awareness boundaries comfort communication composure decision making empathy experience foresight humor improvisation instinct intuition judgment observation partnership perspective predictability protection relationships restraint risk scenario-reading self-knowledge travel trust uncertainty

The Youngest Flower Girl: Story and Reflection

I'm not sure every parent of a flower girl fears how the ceremony will go, but my husband and I sure did years ago. You see, our oldest was invited to be the flower girl for 2 of our med school classmates when she was barely three years old. We had many voices of experience say she's too young. A...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 balance big picture celebration ceremony detail-orientation embarrassment feedback focus humanity humor hyperfocus joy learning memory mindfulness mistake negativity bias overfocus parenting perfectionism perspective presence reflection regulation self-awareness self-compassion social cues storytelling worry zooming-out

Hurricanes and Turtles, Story and well...

Our brains are pretty entertaining places - especially in the middle of the night - mine offers me random memories seemingly out of nowhere for no reason. Last night I remembered chasing down a turtle during Hurricane Ivan in 2004 in Pensacola, FL. My husband was operating. The girls and I were h...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 animals chaos connection curiosity disaster empathy fear heroism humanity humor imagination impulsivity instincts learning memory middle of the night midnight thoughts nature nostalgia parenting perspective playfulness randomness reflection resilience spontaneity storytelling surprise unplanned unpredictability

"Alaskan Tough" Story and Reflection

Memorial Day weekend was the best weather we've had in Anchorage in quite some time. My friend, Kari, a lifelong Alaskan, asked if I wanted to hike Bird Ridge which starts at the Bird Creek parking lot, a popular moderate to difficult 5-mile 3400 ft elevation hike. I've never done it, although mo...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 adaptability assumptions attentiveness automaticity awareness clarity confirmation bias correction curiosity expectation humor identity insight interpretation language listening mindset miscommunication mistake narrative observation overconfidence perception preparation presence readiness realization reflection reframing storytelling

The "Right" Tool, Story and Reflection

My husband and I enjoy our annual camping trips across South Central Alaska (Hope being a favorite). We upgraded a couple years ago from the pop-up tent to a trailer. (Yep - we are 'that age' 😉) But we have learned over the years the importance of taking a screen shelter with us - whether for bug...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 adaptability assumptions brainstorming coaching creativity curiosity discomfort empowerment experimentation exploration flexibility imagination improvisation innovation insight limitations mental agility metaphor mindset obstacles options perseverance perspective problem solving reframing resilience resourcefulness self-efficacy tools workaround

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Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections

Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.

Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections

Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.

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