Not Everyone Gets a Seat at Your Table
In clinical & academic medicine, and in leadership, “they” shows up a lot.
They’ll think I’m a joke.
They can tell I don’t belong.
They are totally judging me.
But here’s the problem: “they” rarely has a face. A faceless crowd gets invited to our mental table of influence, and suddenly we’re serving them time, energy, and self-doubt.
The family of “they” “They” rarely travels alone. It usually brings cousins:
Everybody — Everybody else is ahead of me.
Nobody — Nobody values the work I’m doing.
These words feel powerful because they sound collective and absolute. But in reality, they’re vague overgeneralizations that hand influence and power to a faceless crowd. And faceless crowds are impossible to satisfy.
Your professional table Imagine your professional table. Who has a chair? Whose voice is present when you make decisions or evaluate your worth? Too often, we hand out seats to anonymous critics, vague comparisons, or the mythical “everyone else” who seems to be excelling faster.
Not everyone deserves a seat at your table.
Some voices do. Feedback from trusted mentors, valued colleagues, respected leaders. That kind of feedback can help us grow. But the nameless “they”? They don’t get a chair.
Quote: “When criticized, consider the source.” — Unknown
The practice of discernment Next time you hear yourself saying “they,” pause and ask:
- Who, specifically, am I concerned about?
- Have they earned a place at my table?
- Do I respect their perspective enough to let it shape my decisions?
Often the answer is no. And even when the answer is yes, we still have to accept that we may disappoint people we value, or that sometimes they will be wrong about us.
Closing reflection Resilience in medicine is not about pleasing everyone at the table. It is about curating the guest list. When we stop giving seats to faceless critics, the conversations at the table become clearer, healthier, and far more worth our energy.
Reflection question: Who really belongs at your table, and who might you need to gently uninvite?
Whatever your answer, may it free up space for the voices that strengthen you.
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