Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections
Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.
Tags: empathy
Showing 12 results:
Cognitive Dissonance (From the Archives)
Growing up, my world consisted of good kids like Spook, Ryan, Barry, Jean, and Christy. Especially Jean, she would draw fun pictures and write nice things in a note folded up for me at school: "To Tonya, my friend. From: Jean, your friend." There were bad kids like Eddie - who would come to our s...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 07, 2026
acceptance
accountability
ambiguity
authenticity
balance
boundaries
change
character
cognitive dissonance
compassion
compelxity
complexity
conflict
conviction
courage
discernment
emotional intelligence
empathy
ethics
forgiveness
grief
growth
humanity
humility
integrity
judgment
leadership
learning
loyalty
maturity
medicine
nuance
perspective
physicians
principles
reconciliation
refleciotn
reflection
relationships
resilience
respect
sadness
self-awareness
trust
understanding
values
wisdom
The Impact We Don't Always See
I came across a piece from Sahil Bloom not too long ago about the “Stonecutter Principle,” which is so relatable to the work I do.
In case you’re not familiar with the story - a quick recap: three stonecutters doing the same work but describing it very differently: cutting stone, building a wall,...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
May 14, 2026
administration
awareness
burnout
caregiving
cathedral
compassion
connection
documentation
empathy
forms
fulfillment
gratitude
growth
healing
healthcare
humanity
impact
leadership
legacy
meaning
medicine
mindset
motivation
patient care
perspective
physician
purpose
purposeful work
quality of life
reflection
reframing
relationships
resilience
service
stonecutter
storytelling
support
values
What the Critic Taught Me
I was talking with a physician recently who started his own practice.
Someone had asked about him in a local Facebook group. There were about thirty responses. Not just “he’s good,” but detailed, generous paragraphs about his skill, empathy, time, and care.
And then one line:
“My mom saw him and ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Apr 23, 2026
adaptability
attention
awareness
beliefs
boundaries
burnout
coaching
comparison
confidence
criticism
delegation
development
emotions
empathy
feeback
focus
grace
growth
identity
improvement
interpretation
leadership
learning
medicine
mentorship
mindset
narrative
perspective
physician
practice
purpose
reflection
reputation
resilience
reviews
selfworth
trigger
validation
values
wellbeing
Same Game, Different Frame
Two men played chess a few evenings near the main path before dinner. It was entertaining to pass by and see them deep in strategic concentration.
One night, two photos were taken about twenty minutes apart from different angles.
In the first, the light, sky, and ocean make it feel expansive. So ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Feb 21, 2026
aperture
awareness
chess
contrast
curiosity
discourse
empathy
flexibility
framing
gratitude
growth
humility
insight
interpretation
leadership
lens
light
love
medicine
metaphor
mindfulness
mindset
narrative
perception
perspective
presence
psychology
reflection
relationships
strategy
vantage
Power of Conversation, Story and Invitation
A thoughtful reader recently wrote in and asked me: “How did you build the strong relationships you have with specialists?”
At first, I wasn’t sure how to answer. My brain went to the tactical: referrals, shared patients, thank-yous. (These are still paramount. Doing your due diligence with worku...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Aug 02, 2025
assumptions
collaboration
communication
community
connection
consistency
conversation
curiosity
empathy
engagement
fallibility
grace
gratitude
habit
humanity
initiative
intentionality
invitation
listening
mindset
overwhelm
participation
perfectionism
presence
professionalism
reflection
relationships
respect
support
trust
vulnerability
The Extra Mile - Story and Reflection
Recently, I’ve been supporting my mom from afar as she’s gone through a complicated health issue. Like many patients, she didn’t show up with a single neat explanation. She had two separate issues—Occam’s razor didn’t apply. That alone created delays and misdirection, but this story isn’t about w...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
bandwidth
care
care over efficiency
clarity
connection
discernment
effort
empathy
experience informed action
family perspective
generosity
going above and beyond
gratitude
groundedness
healing
healing moments
humanity
intention
leadership
meaningful
meaningful effort
medicine
pacing
perspective
physician humanity
presence
prioritization
professionalism
relational medicine
right effort right moment
silent leadership
timing
wisdom
Reflection: The Adventure of Conversation
I had just turned a group of faculty workshop participants loose to help each other work on short term career goals & to do so by practicing their new coaching skills with each other.
I encouraged them to keep their advice-monster at bay. (See Michael Bungay Stanier's The Advice Trap).
When they ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
advice trap
awareness
co-creation
coaching
communication
connection
curiosity
discovery
empathy
engagement
exploration
facilitation
growth
guidance
insight
interaction
learning
listening
mindset
non-judgment
openness
pattern recognition
physician habit
practice
presence
reflection
restraint
storytelling
transformation
trust
Reflecting on Two Things
In preparing for the AMWA Evolve Leadership Course for trainees session on Difficult Conversations, I've been reflecting on principles from Crucial Conversations, Super Communicators, Non-Violent Communication, and How to Work with Almost Anyone (all highly recommended books).
We often fall into ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
awareness
balance
binary thinking
communication
compassion
complexity
conflict resolution
contradiction
curiosity
discernment
emotional intelligence
empathy
fool's choice
grace
growth
honesty
kindness
labeling
mindset
nuance
overgeneralization
paradox
perspective
polarity thinking
reflection
relationship
self-regulation
truth
understanding
wake
Alaskan Pause: Story and Reflection
One fall, 17 years ago, as I was driving in my new state of Alaska, I was in a bit of a hurry (as was a natural state for me at the time). So you can imagine, I was a bit annoyed when the line of cars in front of me didn't move when the light turned green.
The middle lane was empty, so I decided ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 11, 2025
adaptability
assumptions
attentiveness
awareness
behavioral patterns
connection
curiosity
decision-making
empathy
growth
humor
impulse control
interpretation
learning
mindfulness
mindset
misjudgment
patience
pausing
perspective
presence
psychological safety
reaction
reflection
restraint
safety
self-awareness
self-regulation
surprise
understanding
Seat Swapping Story and Reflection
During our 30th anniversary trip, we explored new locales and discovered fantastic small restaurants that locals were trying hard to keep off TripAdvisor. One such gem was in Mainz, a cozy outdoor setting with beautiful ivy over the brick walls and around the fencing.
If you have ever eaten out w...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 10, 2025
adaptability
assessment
attention
awareness
boundaries
comfort
communication
composure
decision making
empathy
experience
foresight
humor
improvisation
instinct
intuition
judgment
observation
partnership
perspective
predictability
protection
relationships
restraint
risk
scenario-reading
self-knowledge
travel
trust
uncertainty
Hurricanes and Turtles, Story and well...
Our brains are pretty entertaining places - especially in the middle of the night - mine offers me random memories seemingly out of nowhere for no reason.
Last night I remembered chasing down a turtle during Hurricane Ivan in 2004 in Pensacola, FL. My husband was operating. The girls and I were h...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 10, 2025
animals
chaos
connection
curiosity
disaster
empathy
fear
heroism
humanity
humor
imagination
impulsivity
instincts
learning
memory
middle of the night
midnight thoughts
nature
nostalgia
parenting
perspective
playfulness
randomness
reflection
resilience
spontaneity
storytelling
surprise
unplanned
unpredictability
Running Up Mountains Story and Reflection
Have you ever been isolated during a race? Me neither, until I was. I participated in a small fundraiser weeknight race after work in late May several years back. It was my first (and last) mountain race.
It was a race up "Peak 3" in the Alaska Chugach Range, with the finish line at the top, smal...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 10, 2025
accomplishment
comparison
compassion
disappointment
disorientation
empathy
exhaustion
expectations
experience
fear
fear response
frustration
growth
humility
identity
isolation
journey
mentorship
metaphor
mindset
normalization
overwhelm
parallel
perseverance
reflection
resilience
self-compassion
transition
uncertainty
vulnerability
Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections
