Reflection: The Adventure of Conversation

I had just turned a group of faculty workshop participants loose to help each other work on short term career goals & to do so by practicing their new coaching skills with each other.

I encouraged them to keep their advice-monster at bay. (See Michael Bungay Stanier's The Advice Trap).

When they returned, I asked them about the experience itself:

 -All of the individuals working on their career goals said it was refreshing to #1 have time set aside to think #2 have someone who understands listen and think through it with them.

-Almost all who were practicing their coaching skills, said it was hard not to offer guidance and direction, though they appreciated the time to practice their coaching questions. And they all felt it was fun on some level.

When I asked, "Who had a different experience?" (Shout out to my leadership mentor Dr. Kelly Derbin for the well-designed phrasing to capture more perspectives in the room!)

-One said "I didn't think it was hard at all to avoid giving advice. It was easy to ask more questions" When asked what made it easy for him, he reflected and offered "She is a fascinating person and it was so interesting to learn about her and what she wants to accomplish."

And there it was - a foundational principle that played itself out naturally.

Curiosity about the person. He went on an adventure during his coaching conversation - listening without problem solving. Using the conversation to go on a sort of exploration with her. And with each question she deepened her own reflection and gained insights and brought more questions to his mind.

It reminds me of one of my coach training partners early on - she always thought of coaching conversations as a kid being read a story who couldn't wait to find out more on the next page or the next chapter.

Our automatic, quick pattern-recognition physician brains paired with our normal appreciation of our own advice can impair our natural curiosity.

Reflections:

• How might curiosity enhance your next conversation? Could listening with genuine interest, free of problem-solving, shift the dynamic and deepen the connection?
• When was the last time you let curiosity guide a conversation instead of offering solutions? What did you learn from that experience?