What the Critic Taught Me

I was talking with a physician recently who started his own practice.

Someone had asked about him in a local Facebook group. There were about thirty responses. Not just “he’s good,” but detailed, generous paragraphs about his skill, empathy, time, and care.

And then one line:

“My mom saw him and doesn’t recommend.”

When I mentioned how he’s finally being recognized for how fantastic he is and the FB post, he didn’t talk about the thirty comments.

He went straight to the one. It had been bothering him, making him feel bad, and leaving him wondering what had gone wrong.

If you’re a physician, this likely resonates.

I’ve done the same thing. Reading reviews half-covering my eyes, peeking just enough to see. Knowing exactly what I’m going to do with it once I find “it” and how I'll let it affect me.

We’re not really taught how to navigate physician reviews.

So here are some options I like to use:

Option 1. Don’t

Don’t trigger yourself.

Why read them?

I found Press Ganey scores particularly inflammatory. Especially when paired with, “you scored 96%, that’s 2% below benchmark.”

I know it feels inflammatory because my thoughts about it. But, seriously, I'm not willing to reframe it. Educationally, 96% is an A. Great job you! And developmentally, I’ve made great strides to avoid Compare and Dispair. Why in the world would I subject myself to it?

If you already know how your brain handles this type of input, you don’t have to keep exposing yourself to it.

Option 2. Delegate

Have someone else review them - maybe the clinic lead or manager.

Let them handle responses. And let them show you the genuinely meaningful positive comments. Keep those. Put them in your “Remembering Why” box to read on a low-light day.

If there’s useful feedback, they can bring it forward in a way that improves the system: “Here are a few things we can improve.”

Not: “Someone complained.”

Option 3. Develop

You can use this to grow in meaningful ways. You can choose to read and use it as a training ground for your mindset.

Read the positives. Believe them. Don’t dismiss them. Savor them and smile. If you don’t believe them, point your brain in that direction and get out of its way: How IS IT true that I am xyz wonderful? This can be really hard if you’ve been a skilled pro at shooting things down left and right, but worth the practice.

Then the negative reviews.

First, take some deep breaths. Get unhooked. Check your countertransference, our natural human response to react equally. Consider the source if you know it.

Second, consider what their day or life may have been like at the time of writing it (we’ve all had that moment where we lost our cool and diplomacy).

Third, the biggest stretch: in spite of any inflammatory comments, what is useful to extract? Take the learning.

I had a recent example of this “look for something useful” approach.

Someone wrote into my business contact about my personal code of ethics that I have posted on my website, and said something along the lines of, “Personal ethics??!! HUH?? What about physician ethics??!!”

I don’t know who it was.

I decided to choose to believe it’s likely someone who feels triggered by physicians being coaches and who carries a negative narrative that coaching physicians is somehow unethical or in conflict with professional ethics.

So I mentally gave them the “grace of their own path” (Anne Truitt).

I didn’t take it personally.

Instead, I looked for any learning.

And what I realized was, there was something useful there.

I hadn’t explicitly named the other ethics I also adhere to.

So I added this:

“In addition to my ongoing commitment to the AMA Code of Medical Ethics in my clinical work, I’ve developed a complementary set of guiding practices for my coaching role.”

Thank you, random person.

Fourth, remember that others’ opinions of you are none of your business. They can be wrong about you. I've been wrong about others. It happens. And I am so grounded in my values and purpose that once I mentally give them permission to be wrong about me, I don't bat an eye.

Similarly, some people just aren't going to like you. Some people like mint tea and others don’t. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with the quality of the tea. Someone not liking you doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. You just may not be their cup of tea.

Preferences.

What other ways do you approach reviews?

What’s your biggest takeaway today?