Stories & Reflections from a Family Medicine Physician Coach

Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections

Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.

Tags: judgment

Showing 12 results:

A couple of weeks ago, my friend, colleague, and physician advocate Dr. Sasha Shillcutt wrote something that grabbed my attention: “Can we all stop shaming women who work hard?” It resonated. The pendulum has needed to swing toward rest and boundaries for a long time. We’ve finally begun to norma...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Nov 14, 2025 agency alignment autonomy awareness balance boundaries burnout choice clarity compassion curiosity discipline effort energy expectations flow fulfillment inquiry insight intention judgment mindfulness obligation overload passion people pleasing perfectionism perspective priorities purpose recovery reflection reset rest self-care shame signals support sustainability tells validation wellbeing work

Ask Responsibly

I was thinking recently about how agreeable my AI assistant, Scribbs, is with me. He’s great at coming up with answers in the direction I point him - quick to confirm, validate, or spot what might be off. It’s a lot like those friends we turn to when we just want someone to agree with us. But I’v...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Oct 24, 2025 ai alignment assumption awareness bias clarity confirmation connection course-correction criticism curiosity detective dialogue direction excitement exploration feedback growth guidance humility impulsivity inquiry insight intention judgment learning listening meaning-making mindset mirror oversight perspective purpose questions reflection reframing relevance self-talk

When Justice Meets the Judge

The shadow side of good values in medicine... I’ve learned that even good values have edges. Justice, for me, especially. We talk a lot about values in medicine: integrity, compassion, excellence, justice. But I’ve learned that even our best values have a "shadow side". Sometimes, even justice ne...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Oct 24, 2025 alignment awareness balance boundaries burnout clarity compassion control criticism discernment distortion ego evolution excellence faith grace humanity humility imbalance integrity judge judgment justice learning martyrdom outrage perfectionism perspective proportion reflection responsibility rigidity self-justification

Story and Reflection: What Story are You Telling?

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED Talk The Danger of a Single Story is one of my all-time favorites. She warns how a narrow narrative can distort the way we see people, cultures, even whole countries. But the danger of a single story doesn’t stop there. It shows up in how we see ourselves. The Singl...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Sep 28, 2025 advocacy belonging coaching confidence doubt event evidence growth humility identity judgment lens meaning medicine narrative perception perspective proof reassurance reflection resident retelling story strengths stress supervisor

Not Everyone Gets a Seat at Your Table

In clinical & academic medicine, and in leadership, “they” shows up a lot. They’ll think I’m a joke. They can tell I don’t belong. They are totally judging me. But here’s the problem: “they” rarely has a face. A faceless crowd gets invited to our mental table of influence, and suddenly we’re serv...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Aug 29, 2025 academia boundaries clarity colleagues comparison critics crowd decisions discernment doubt energy fear feedback growth influence judgment leaders leadership medicine overgeneralization perspective power reflection resilience source table voices worth

Responsibility Revisited: Story and Reflection

We don’t always talk about guilt in medicine unless it’s framed as toxic or as a byproduct of impossible systems. But some guilt is earned. Some of it’s useful. The kind that nudges us when we’ve strayed from our values. And some is not. What follows is a story out of several that came to mine fr...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Aug 08, 2025 adaptation alignment awareness character conscience deicision ethics fatigue growth guilt integrity judgment learning medicine observation reflection residency responsibility self-correction values

Filtering Voices: Story and Reflection

Like many medical students, I went back and forth on what specialty I really loved. OB/GYN? Sports Medicine? Internal Medicine? Rheum? Endocrine? Psychiatry? Adolescent Medicine? (Yes, all of them!) I also had a fantastic role model in my dad, an outpatient family doc beloved by his patients. And...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 12, 2025 affirmation belonging choice clarity compassion confidence courage decision making doubt encouragement identity influence insecurity integrity internal guidance judgment medical culture mentorship perception power dynamics purpose reassurance reflection respect self-trust soundtracks validation values voice wisdom

Near Miss Story and Reflection

Many years ago, as a second-year medical student, I stopped by the post office on my way to pathology to mail a certified letter. I had to take a different route than usual - one I knew well because it was my evening route for my study group. It was already 90 degrees with max humidity upon my ar...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 11, 2025 adaptation automation awareness behavior change change cognitive load compassion course correction grace growth habit humanity humility intentionality judgment learning memory mindfulness mistake neuropathways neuroplasticity patterning progress reflection resilience rewiring routine self-forgiveness self-regulation

Twin Perspectives: Story and Reflection

One day a few of years ago, my husband and I started watching Medici - the historical Netflix series set in medieval Italy. The two main brothers looked so much alike during those first two episodes. I kept getting so confused. After asking Mark for the 6th time which brother was speaking, he fin...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 11, 2025 acceptance adjustment attentiveness awareness balance clarity confusion distortion emotional regulation focus humility insight judgment lens mindfulness mindset narrative overwhelm patience perception perspective presence proportion reframe self-awareness self-reflection storytelling strengths values zooming-out

Seat Swapping Story and Reflection

During our 30th anniversary trip, we explored new locales and discovered fantastic small restaurants that locals were trying hard to keep off TripAdvisor. One such gem was in Mainz, a cozy outdoor setting with beautiful ivy over the brick walls and around the fencing. If you have ever eaten out w...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 adaptability assessment attention awareness boundaries comfort communication composure decision making empathy experience foresight humor improvisation instinct intuition judgment observation partnership perspective predictability protection relationships restraint risk scenario-reading self-knowledge travel trust uncertainty

Boundaries and Antics, Story and Reflection

Many of you know I recommend Brave Boundaries, a book by Dr. Sasha Shillcutt. After she co-hosted a group session for residents and faculty last year, I saw Aardvark (that's our pet-name for our older style Roomba vacuum) and his virtual barrier shown in the photo in a new light. That little cont...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 10, 2025 awareness boundaries consequences experience growth humor instinct intuition judgment learning planning protection reflection reflex resilience risk safety self-preservation vulnerability wisdom

Virtue or Weight

I had a conversation recently with someone who discussed how judgment - when it's our own - feels very virtuous. And yet, it often changes nothing except it is like a weight we bear. I invite you to experiment with me - find something that evokes a bit of judgment. But, let's not go for the deepl...

by Dr. Tonya Caylor — Jun 03, 2025 acceptance awareness compassion curiosity emotion experimentation exploration growth insight judgment mindfulness nonjudgment openness perspective presence reflection righteousness suspension tolerance understanding

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Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections

Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.

Tags: judgment

Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections

Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.

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