Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections
Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.
Tags: expectations
Showing 12 results:
Caring Enough to Tell the Truth
I’ve been reflecting on a situation someone close to me recently faced in her work as a consultant.
She was brought into a high-stakes situation by her boss, who had asked her to help a close friend. The friend believed that other people involved in an important transition were the problem. Her a...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Aug 28, 2026
accountability
advocacy
boundaries
candor
care
clinicians
coaching
communication
compassion
conflict
courage
development
dignity
education
empathy
evaluation
expectations
faculty
fairness
feedback
growth
healthcare
honesty
integrity
leadership
learning
medicine
mentorship
patient care
performance
professionalism
reflection
relationships
remediation
residency
residents
responsibility
standards
supervision
support
teaching
transparency
trust
truth
The River Gets Wider
Just prior to marrying my husband, his dad handed us an article torn from a magazine. It used the imagery of two rivers coming together to describe marriage.
The gist that stuck with my young mind was:1. Don’t be shocked by the rapids. They’re a natural outcome of two forces merging.2. Marriage w...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jul 25, 2026
acceptance
adaptability
adaptation
adjustment
balance
becoming
career
change
coaching
commitment
confidence
courage
endurance
expectations
flexibility
gratitude
growth
hope
imperfection
joy
leadership
life transitions
marriage
medicine
mindset
navigation
partnership
perseverance
perspective
physicians
preparation
presence
progress
purpose
rapids
recovery
reflection
relationships
renewal
resilience
self-copmpassion
stability
strength
transformation
transition
trust
uncertainty
wellbeing
whitewater
The Bump Nobody Warned You About
A webinar this week about the evolution of a rural residency program inspired this week's reflections. In addition to the successes and growing pains, the thing that caught my attention was the sheer number of changes they had both created and endured.
In just 11 years, the program had 4 Chief Me...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jul 10, 2026
acceptance
adaptability
adaptation
agility
alignment
awareness
change
change management
collaboration
commitment
communication
complexity
continuity
culture
endurance
evolution
expectations
flexibility
growth
healthcare
innovation
leadership
leadership development
medicine
mindset
mission
mission focus
navigation
organizational health
organizations
perseverance
perspective
preparedness
puprose
reflection
residency
resilience
rural
stability
stewarship
sustainability
systems
teamwork
transformation
transition
trust
turbulence
turnover
uncertainty
Building Impact Capacity
This week I did something new.
I asked Claude to forecast my workload after I entered in all the things from my calendar and everything that wasn’t. It included my coaching practice, presentations, faculty development, travel, writing, a new time-limited leadership role I'll share more about soon...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jul 10, 2026
agency
alignment
attention
awareness
boundaries
capacity
capacity building
change
clarity
collaboration
commitment
communication
compelxity
decision-making
delegation
design
efficiency
energy
expectations
focus
forecasting
foundation
growth
impact
intentionality
leadership
momentum
organization
planning
preparation
prevention
priorities
prioritization
proactivity
readiness
reflection
resources
simplification
stewardship
strategy
sustainability
sustems
time
tradeoffs
transformation
transition
workload
What Renovation Taught Me About Teams
My husband and I are back in the messy middle of building.
We are not a strangers to it. We completely renovated a historic home over seven years and our Alaskan home over ten, with my husband acting as contractor, doing the work he enjoyed and subbing the rest out.
And now, we’re building remote...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Mar 13, 2026
adaptation
alignment
behavior
building
change
clarity
co-creation
collaboration
communication
conflict
construction
creativity
decision making
development
dynamics
expectations
forming
friction
group
growth
homebuilding
innovation
leadership
learning
marriage
mindset
organization
partnership
patience
performing
problem solving
process
progress
reflection
remodel
renovation
resilience
satisfaction
storming
structure
teams
teamwork
transformation
uncertainty
vision
Self-induced Blindspots
One time during a record snowfall winter, we ended up with a weekend alone. Our teenage daughter had been picked up by friends for the weekend. We decided to head downtown for a nice dinner. We took my car. As I was backing up our steep long drive, looking over my shoulder, the car jolted to a su...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Feb 09, 2026
accountability
assumptions
attention
automation
awareness
bias
choice
cognition
expectations
growth
habits
humility
identity
insgiht
intention
learning
medicine
metacognition
mindfulness
mindset
neuropathways
neuroscience
parallels
perception
presence
psychology
reflection
safety
selfworth
subconcious
When Influence Stops Working: Acceptance Without Endorsement
This is Part 3 of a 5-part series exploring what helps when influence has stopped working. Nothing moves. No matter how much skill, strategy, data, coalition-building, or heart you bring. And it’s something you care deeply about.
Earlier pieces focused on redefining success and navigating constra...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jan 09, 2026
academia
acceptance
adaptation
agency
alignment
boundaries
bureaucracy
burnout
clarity
coaching
constraint
control
detachment
discernment
dynamics
dysfunction
emotionality
endorsement
energy
equanimity
expectations
frustration
influence
leadership
letting go
maturity
medicine
ownership
predictability
prioritization
reafctivity
reality
regulation
resilience
sobriety
stewardship
sustainability
systems
tolerance
wisdom
When Effort Feels Right
A couple of weeks ago, my friend, colleague, and physician advocate Dr. Sasha Shillcutt wrote something that grabbed my attention:
“Can we all stop shaming women who work hard?”
It resonated.
The pendulum has needed to swing toward rest and boundaries for a long time. We’ve finally begun to norma...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Nov 14, 2025
agency
alignment
autonomy
awareness
balance
boundaries
burnout
choice
clarity
compassion
curiosity
discipline
effort
energy
expectations
flow
fulfillment
inquiry
insight
intention
judgment
mindfulness
obligation
overload
passion
people pleasing
perfectionism
perspective
priorities
purpose
recovery
reflection
reset
rest
self-care
shame
signals
support
sustainability
tells
validation
wellbeing
work
How We Think Shapes What We See: Story and Reflection
When I mentioned last month that I was heading to Las Vegas to see the Eagles play in the Sphere, more than one person responded with a look of surprise, post-Super Bowl: “You’re going to a football game?”
That moment—a simple case of mistaken reference—got me thinking about how our assumptions a...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
alignment
assumptions
awareness
beliefs
clarity
coaching
communication
culture
development
dynamics
evaluations
expectations
feedback
frustration
growth
insight
interpretation
mindsets
modeling
perception
reflection
reframing
support
trust
understanding
Two Travelers and A Mountain: Tale and Reflection
Two explorers set out on a journey to find a hidden village high in the mountains. Both were experienced travelers, used to well-marked paths, sturdy bridges, and reliable guides.
They started on different sides of the mountain which strattled two countries. The first traveler was started in an...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
acceptance
adaptation
agency
awareness
calm in chaos
clarity
comparison
expectation reset
expectations
frustration
internal shift
journey
mindset
orientation
perspective
presence
privilege
purpose
reframing
resilience
resistance
surrender
systems thinking
transformation
trial and error
The Helper's Fine Line: Story and Reflection
I usually received good grades and positive comments on my report cards as a kid. However, I received one remark from my first-grade teacher that I wasn't sure how to take. She wrote, "Tonya is sometimes too helpful to her neighbors."
Being helpful is good, right?
I mean, Dawn was struggling with...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
autonomy
boundaries
burnout
capacity building
coaching
developmental struggle
discomfort
enablement
expectations
growth
growth mindset
helicoptering
independence
intention
learning
mental muscle
mentoring
modeling
overhelping
pause
rescuing
role clarity
self-efficacy
supportive leadership
trust
All That Jazz Story and Reflection
I'm going to give away one of the truths that throws people off when I play two truths and a lie. I learned to tap dance and even performed on stage after I was a practicing physician. I know, I know - hard to picture. 😉
My daughter was taking violin lessons in a studio that had just started offe...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
all-or-nothing
awkwardness
challenge
control
creativity
discomfort
encouragement
expectations
feedback
fun
growth mindset
inspiration
learning
letting go
mastery
mindset
motivation
patience
perfectionism
performance
perseverance
personal growth
practice
reflection
reframe
resilience
role modeling
self-awareness
self-compassion
vulnerability
Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections
