The River Gets Wider

Just prior to marrying my husband, his dad handed us an article torn from a magazine. It used the imagery of two rivers coming together to describe marriage.

The gist that stuck with my young mind was:
1. Don’t be shocked by the rapids. They’re a natural outcome of two forces merging.
2. Marriage will have twists and turns, rocks and islands to navigate, but given the right conditions, the river eventually becomes wider, deeper, and stronger.

Now, I’ve always been a bit idealistic and was pretty certain marriage for us, unlike most people, would be easy sailing. So, the part about the rapids seemed a little dramatic.

But wow...how grateful I am that he gave us that forewarning.
When rough times came, I didn’t automatically make them mean we weren’t meant to be together.

Finishing up 19 of those 38 years in Alaska, I'm reflecting on that river. It's also got me thinking about the career and life transitions talk I've given over the years, including at residency graduations.

And I find it’s a good time to review it for myself.

In just a month, I’ll be moving to Washington, with my husband following shortly after me. Between now and then are visitors, boxes, movers, presentations, meetings, the start of a new job, teaching, travel, and a number of final walks and coffee dates with Alaskan friends.

It is, as one of my previous coachees used to say, going to be “one of those weeks.” 

Or four of them to be exact.

She developed that phrase during one of our sessions. It gave her enough space to reset her expectations, prioritize what mattered most, and do that day’s (or week’s) version of the best she could without all the self-judgment and criticism.

Sometimes “good enough” is the right amount of effort.

Transitions, even the ones we choose and eagerly anticipate, are times of uncertainty and competing emotions. They’re also remarkably predictable.

Self-doubt and impostor thoughts will increase. Things will feel awkward and clunky. Questioning decisions is common. 

Whether you’ve just become a senior resident, or about to start as a new attending, or are accepting a new role or promotion, it can feel like you’re spending a long stretch in the whitewater.

The beautiful thing about rapids is that each time you go through them, you become more skilled and a little less rattled. 

You know you’ll get through them.

The river is growing wider, deeper, and stronger.

Heck, maybe you can even relax into them a little and enjoy the ride.

For now, if you’re in the whitewater, pull on your safety gear, focus your attention, recalibrate your expectations, and see if you can find a little joy in the bumpy journey.

Reflection:

1. What parts of this transition are actually predictable, once you stop and look?
2. What have you already been through that tells you you've got this?
3. Where could "good enough" be enough for you right now?