Laughs and Confidence, Story and Reflection

I was recently discussing confidence in the lecture setting with a few faculty physicians, and it brought up some memories.

One of the first didactics I taught as a new faculty member was 9 years out of residency. (Actual photo around that time of me as new faculty, 2007-2008 above.) I was presenting elbow fractures in children, not always the easiest to see on X-rays for many of us, but so important not to miss - especially for many of our graduates who end up working in places without immediate radiology support.

I'm all about using every available resource, so I recruited my somewhat reluctant husband, an orthopedist (he much prefers teaching in a one-on-one setting). I coaxed him by saying he didn't have to present. He could just field the questions over my head.

Retrospectively, it was one part wanting to give the future rural physicians everything they need to know and one part feeling insecure about teaching. I was a bit frightened they would uncover that I knew absolutely nothing medically and didn't deserve to be teaching.

(Impostor phenomenon, much? 🤷♀️)

So, essentially, my husband was a great resource but also a security blanket.

The day came, and we, the dynamic duo, got started. As I was discussing a slide with the group, I reached for the pen-style laser pointer to highlight an obscure fracture line. Unfortunately, I discovered publically the laser was set up the opposite of a pen light.(but why?!) Yep, I shot myself in the face with it. 🤦🏼♀️ Everyone stifled a giggle, including my husband as I tried to remain this stoic formal educator. Then suddenly, he became the Hardy to my Laurel - He took the pointer from me and said, "Let me help me before you injure yourself." And comedic relief ensued as we all laughed out loud.

When I couldn't find the supracondylar fracture on another film, he piped up and said, "Well, it's a good thing you brought me along," in his dry deadpan that he does so well - using the pointer to demonstrate the nuanced finding.

The residents and co-faculty warmed up, and I finally decided it was more useful for them to witness me as a human family physician than the all-knowing expert.

They took away three major things - 1. There is an order to ossification in the elbow that can either help you or trip you up, the pt has two elbows to help, and they can look it up. 2. It really can be hard to discern some supracondylar fractures - valuable information in and of itself - humility in medicine is priceless. 3. There's a friendly comedic orthopedist in town a phone call away.

In addition, I grew in confidence in being my full, genuine, imperfect self, even when presenting a formal didactic.

Reflection: How about you? We gain confidence by putting in the reps. But what if that confidence is also enhanced by owning who you are, what you know, and what you don't—letting go of the persona involving some sort of perfection? What area comes to mind for you? What would that look like to shift it?

Think of what is possible if we all become transparent in this manner, making errors and learning publicly, modeling a growth mindset!