Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections
Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.
Tags: influence
Showing 12 results:
Acting Out of Character
A common tension came up during a coaching conversation with a brilliant, deeply thoughtful coachee.
With a lot of diligent work, she has grown more comfortable being and showing her authentic self rather than holding back or becoming someone different for other people’s comfort.
Now she is facin...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Sep 04, 2026
adaptability
adaptation
alignment
authentic leadership
authenticity
awareness
behavior
boundaries
coaching
communicaiton
communication style
confidence
congruence
connection
courage
development
emotional awareness
emotional intelligence
expression
extroversion
fulfillment
growth
identity
influence
integrity
interpersonal
introversion
leadership
motivation
performance
personal growth
personality
presence
psychology
purpose
purposefulness
reflection
relationships
renewal
resilience
restoration
self-abandonment
self-acceptance
self-awareness
self-expression
teaching
temperament
values
vulnerability
wellbeing
The Price of Value
This week's theme comes straight from Facebook Marketplace.
My husband (who is not a social media guy) asked me to list his Kubota skid steer for "69-9."
So I did.
I had just sold his utility trailer for $2,200, so I entered all the details, uploaded the photos, and hit Publish.
Within seconds, s...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jul 17, 2026
abundance
advocacy
appreciation
authenticity
awareness
belief
business
compensation
confidence
contribution
courage
empowerment
encouragement
entrepreneurship
expertise
family medicine
financial health
generosity
gratitude
growth
identity
impact
influence
leadership
medicine
mentorship
mindset
negotiation
opportunity
perception
perspective
physicians
purpose
recognition
reflection
self-advocacy
self-worth
service
support
sustainability
undervaluing
validation
value
visibility
worth
worthiness
The Penstock Paradox
I've been catching up on Lisa Rosenbaum's Not Otherwise Specified podcast series on primary care. https://not-otherwise-specified-podcast.nejm.org/e/when-no-ones-watching/
The final episode is titled When No One's Watching.
Near the end, Jonathan Han, a family physician and residency director, ta...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 23, 2026
alignment
artistry
authenticity
balance
burnout
caring
community
compassion
connection
contribution
creativity
encouragement
energy
engagement
excellence
flourishing
fulfillment
generosity
gratidtude
humanity
impact
influence
inspiration
intentionality
joy
kindness
leadership
legacy
meaning
mentorship
motivation
presence
purpose
purpose driven
regognition
rejuvenation
relationships
relection
renewal
resilience
restoration
service
significance
stewardship
sustainability
values
wellbeing
A Christmas Epiphany (From the Archives)
Early in our marriage, we lived in an ongoing renovation of a historic home. It had an entryway with stairs wrapping up to the second floor, creating the ideal spot for our Christmas tree. We would take the girls to the tree farm and pick out the largest one with near-perfect branches and set it ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Apr 23, 2026
adaptation
awareness
balance
behavior
calm
change
clarity
cognition
communication
conflict
connection
control
emotion
environment
family
growth
habits
holidays
influence
innner dialogue
joy
marriage
mindset
narrative
perfectionism
perspective
psychology
reflection
regulation
relationships
resilience
self awareness
soundtracks
stress
thinking
traditions
trigger
wellbeing
The Emerging Choice: Staying for the Long Game or Moving On Gracefully
And just like that, it’s 2026!
The perfect time for the final piece in a five-part series exploring what helps when you care deeply about something, your influence no longer influences, and meaningful change seems unlikely.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve shared a few different approaches to ha...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jan 09, 2026
abundance
academia
agency
alignment
calling
choice
clarity
coaching
commitment
completion
culture
departure
discernment
equanimity
fulfillment
hope
identity
influence
integrity
leadership
legacy
maturity
meaning
medicine
ownership
patience
physicians
purpose
renewal
resilience
scarcity
stewardship
sustainability
systems
timing
transition
values
wellbeing
wisdom
When Influence Stops Working: Acceptance Without Endorsement
This is Part 3 of a 5-part series exploring what helps when influence has stopped working. Nothing moves. No matter how much skill, strategy, data, coalition-building, or heart you bring. And it’s something you care deeply about.
Earlier pieces focused on redefining success and navigating constra...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jan 09, 2026
academia
acceptance
adaptation
agency
alignment
boundaries
bureaucracy
burnout
clarity
coaching
constraint
control
detachment
discernment
dynamics
dysfunction
emotionality
endorsement
energy
equanimity
expectations
frustration
influence
leadership
letting go
maturity
medicine
ownership
predictability
prioritization
reafctivity
reality
regulation
resilience
sobriety
stewardship
sustainability
systems
tolerance
wisdom
Suitcases, Constraints, and Where Possibility Lives
Last week, I wrote about a familiar moment in medicine: when you’ve used every skillful form of influence you have (data, stories, coalitions, reframing) and nothing moves. When effort stops matching outcome, (high importance, low control, and your influence stalls), there are a few ways forward....
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Dec 12, 2025
acceptance
adaptation
agency
burnout
constraint
control
creativity
energy
flexibility
impact
influence
leadership
limits
navigation
possibility
problem-solving
reframing
resilience
strategy
systems
When Influence Stops Influencing
Every physician leader I coach eventually reaches the same moment. They’ve done the work: gathered data, built coalitions, shared meaningful stories, aligned it to the core corporate values, used every bit of their Crucial Conversations skill set, emotionally intelligenced the nuances, and framed...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Dec 10, 2025
acceptance
agency
alignment
boundaries
burnout
change
clarity
coalition
community
connection
discernment
energy
exhaustion
frustration
influence
integrity
leadership
mentorship
metrics
perspective
process
purpose
reality
reflection
regulation
resistance
strategy
systems
values
Not Everyone Gets a Seat at Your Table
In clinical & academic medicine, and in leadership, “they” shows up a lot.
They’ll think I’m a joke.
They can tell I don’t belong.
They are totally judging me.
But here’s the problem: “they” rarely has a face. A faceless crowd gets invited to our mental table of influence, and suddenly we’re serv...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Aug 29, 2025
academia
boundaries
clarity
colleagues
comparison
critics
crowd
decisions
discernment
doubt
energy
fear
feedback
growth
influence
judgment
leaders
leadership
medicine
overgeneralization
perspective
power
reflection
resilience
source
table
voices
worth
Leaders and Legacy Reflection
When physicians or faculty leaders are struggling in their roles—or with certain parts of them—I often ask:
"When you think of a leader you admire, what qualities stand out?"
They usually name things such as integrity. Strength. Clinical wisdom. Courage. Kindness. Collaboration.
And almost always...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
admiration
awareness
balance
boundaries
capacity
choice
clarity
courage
decline
dedication
delegation
discomfort
expansion
growth
impact
influence
integrity
kindness
leaders
leadership
legacy
modeling
possibility
presence
purpose
rolemodeling
streamline
strength
sustainability
tension
wisdom
Reflection: Passing it On
This past week, I had the great honor of sitting in a (virtual) room with five individuals who have dedicated decades of their careers to leadership in graduate medical education (GME).
The idea for this gathering started one morning when I woke up thinking about how tough leading in GME can be. ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
collaborative growth
collective wisdom
community
connection
cultivation
honoring
humility
impact
influence
inspiration
intergenerational learning
knowledge transfer
leadership
legacy
longevity
meaning making
mentorship
reflective practice
ripple effect
slow leadership
stewardship
storytelling
transparency
vision casting
vulnerability
wisdom
Filtering Voices: Story and Reflection
Like many medical students, I went back and forth on what specialty I really loved. OB/GYN? Sports Medicine? Internal Medicine? Rheum? Endocrine? Psychiatry? Adolescent Medicine? (Yes, all of them!)
I also had a fantastic role model in my dad, an outpatient family doc beloved by his patients. And...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
affirmation
belonging
choice
clarity
compassion
confidence
courage
decision making
doubt
encouragement
identity
influence
insecurity
integrity
internal guidance
judgment
medical culture
mentorship
perception
power dynamics
purpose
reassurance
reflection
respect
self-trust
soundtracks
validation
values
voice
wisdom
Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections
