Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections
Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.
Tags: discernment
Showing 12 results:
The Emerging Choice: Staying for the Long Game or Moving On Gracefully
And just like that, it’s 2026!
The perfect time for the final piece in a five-part series exploring what helps when you care deeply about something, your influence no longer influences, and meaningful change seems unlikely.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve shared a few different approaches to ha...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jan 09, 2026
abundance
academia
agency
alignment
calling
choice
clarity
coaching
commitment
completion
culture
departure
discernment
equanimity
fulfillment
hope
identity
influence
integrity
leadership
legacy
maturity
meaning
medicine
ownership
patience
physicians
purpose
renewal
resilience
scarcity
stewardship
sustainability
systems
timing
transition
values
wellbeing
wisdom
Holding Pattern
This is Week 4 of a 5-part series exploring those moments when you care deeply about an issue, and nothing you do seems to move the needle.
So far, we’ve looked at three different approaches to that situation: • Week 1: Redefining success when outcomes aren’t changing • Week 2: Navigating real co...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jan 09, 2026
academia
agency
alignment
ambiguity
becoming
belonging
calling
choice
clarity
coaching
dignity
discernment
endurance
engagement
equilibrium
fulfillment
holding
identity
leadership
liminality
maturity
meaning
medicine
middle
patience
physicians
presence
process
purpose
resilience
restraint
steadiness
tension
threshold
timing
transition
uncertainty
urgency
values
wisdom
worth
When Influence Stops Working: Acceptance Without Endorsement
This is Part 3 of a 5-part series exploring what helps when influence has stopped working. Nothing moves. No matter how much skill, strategy, data, coalition-building, or heart you bring. And it’s something you care deeply about.
Earlier pieces focused on redefining success and navigating constra...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jan 09, 2026
academia
acceptance
adaptation
agency
alignment
boundaries
bureaucracy
burnout
clarity
coaching
constraint
control
detachment
discernment
dynamics
dysfunction
emotionality
endorsement
energy
equanimity
expectations
frustration
influence
leadership
letting go
maturity
medicine
ownership
predictability
prioritization
reafctivity
reality
regulation
resilience
sobriety
stewardship
sustainability
systems
tolerance
wisdom
When Influence Stops Influencing
Every physician leader I coach eventually reaches the same moment. They’ve done the work: gathered data, built coalitions, shared meaningful stories, aligned it to the core corporate values, used every bit of their Crucial Conversations skill set, emotionally intelligenced the nuances, and framed...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Dec 10, 2025
acceptance
agency
alignment
boundaries
burnout
change
clarity
coalition
community
connection
discernment
energy
exhaustion
frustration
influence
integrity
leadership
mentorship
metrics
perspective
process
purpose
reality
reflection
regulation
resistance
strategy
systems
values
Learning to Hold the Tension
The majority of us in medicine are in it because we care. But sometimes caring means saying “no.”
We say no to one more initiative when our team is already stretched.
We say no to a patient’s request when it’s not in their best interest.
We say no to ourselves when we know we can’t do it all.
...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Nov 07, 2025
acceptance
adjustment
agency
alignment
awareness
balance
boundaries
boundedness
caring
clarity
compassion
connection
courage
deliberation
disappointment
discernment
equanimity
ethics
harmony
integrity
intentionality
leadership
navigation
polarity
presence
prioritization
reflection
resilience
responsibility
restraint
self-care
tension
When Justice Meets the Judge
The shadow side of good values in medicine...
I’ve learned that even good values have edges. Justice, for me, especially.
We talk a lot about values in medicine: integrity, compassion, excellence, justice. But I’ve learned that even our best values have a "shadow side". Sometimes, even justice ne...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Oct 24, 2025
alignment
awareness
balance
boundaries
burnout
clarity
compassion
control
criticism
discernment
distortion
ego
evolution
excellence
faith
grace
humanity
humility
imbalance
integrity
judge
judgment
justice
learning
martyrdom
outrage
perfectionism
perspective
proportion
reflection
responsibility
rigidity
self-justification
Quiet Quitting, Nike’s Reframe, and the Real Risk in Medicine
Quiet quitting is no longer just a workplace buzzword. A new study in Family Medicine described how residency leaders are seeing disengagement, professionalism concerns, and strategic “time protection” among trainees. The authors traced this disengagement back to multiple causes: generational shi...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Sep 13, 2025
burnout
challenges
collaboration
commitment
communication
cringe culture
discernment
disengagement
education
efficiency
effort
faculty
frustration
generations
growth
mentorship
motivation
patient care
professionalism
quiet quitting
rebranding
reflection
residency
selectivity
sustainability
systemic pressures
time protection
trainees
trust
work values
workplace
Not Everyone Gets a Seat at Your Table
In clinical & academic medicine, and in leadership, “they” shows up a lot.
They’ll think I’m a joke.
They can tell I don’t belong.
They are totally judging me.
But here’s the problem: “they” rarely has a face. A faceless crowd gets invited to our mental table of influence, and suddenly we’re serv...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Aug 29, 2025
academia
boundaries
clarity
colleagues
comparison
critics
crowd
decisions
discernment
doubt
energy
fear
feedback
growth
influence
judgment
leaders
leadership
medicine
overgeneralization
perspective
power
reflection
resilience
source
table
voices
worth
Purpose at the Crossroads: Story and Reflection
It’s at the crossroads—between opportunity and discernment—that purpose gets tested.
- A resident deciding between a desired fellowship and staying in a community they love that may not utilize that training.
- A faculty member torn between taking on a leadership role or focusing their energy on ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
alignment
authenticity
boundaries
calling
clarity
decision making
discernment
growth
humility
intentionality
leadership
long-term impact
meaning
opportunity
purpose
responsibility
self-awareness
service
sustainability
team based leadership
timing
transition
vocation
well-being
wisdom
The Extra Mile - Story and Reflection
Recently, I’ve been supporting my mom from afar as she’s gone through a complicated health issue. Like many patients, she didn’t show up with a single neat explanation. She had two separate issues—Occam’s razor didn’t apply. That alone created delays and misdirection, but this story isn’t about w...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
bandwidth
care
care over efficiency
clarity
connection
discernment
effort
empathy
experience informed action
family perspective
generosity
going above and beyond
gratitude
groundedness
healing
healing moments
humanity
intention
leadership
meaningful
meaningful effort
medicine
pacing
perspective
physician humanity
presence
prioritization
professionalism
relational medicine
right effort right moment
silent leadership
timing
wisdom
Reflecting on Two Things
In preparing for the AMWA Evolve Leadership Course for trainees session on Difficult Conversations, I've been reflecting on principles from Crucial Conversations, Super Communicators, Non-Violent Communication, and How to Work with Almost Anyone (all highly recommended books).
We often fall into ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 12, 2025
awareness
balance
binary thinking
communication
compassion
complexity
conflict resolution
contradiction
curiosity
discernment
emotional intelligence
empathy
fool's choice
grace
growth
honesty
kindness
labeling
mindset
nuance
overgeneralization
paradox
perspective
polarity thinking
reflection
relationship
self-regulation
truth
understanding
wake
The In-Between Reflection
A story with three invitations for you to reflect. A few months ago, a friend asked if I would consider a small part-time role that seemed exciting in some respects and daunting in others. (Plus, the potential to be distracting even). I quickly did the reflex thing that I rarely do - I said, "Of ...
by Dr. Tonya Caylor —
Jun 08, 2025
alignment
balance
boundaries
calling
centering
clarity
commitment
decision
discernment
integrity
mentorship
peace
priorities
process
purpose
reflection
service
surrender
waiting
wisdom
Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections
