A Christmas Epiphany (From the Archives)

Early in our marriage, we lived in an ongoing renovation of a historic home. It had an entryway with stairs wrapping up to the second floor, creating the ideal spot for our Christmas tree. We would take the girls to the tree farm and pick out the largest one with near-perfect branches and set it up in the foyer. We'd turn on some Christmas music and commence the decorating. With 2 perfectionists, this was no small feat. It entailed my husband under the huge evergreen shifting it up and around the stand. It always involved fishing lines to anchor the upper trunk strait, adjustments, and readjustments. Ladders and awkward positions were standard. At times it involved drilling holes and moving branches 🤦🏼‍♀️. There were two tense portions of the process in which my husband and I diverged in our appraisals - when the tree was "actually" straight and when the lights were "perfectly" displayed. For about 3 years in a row, the tensions slowly escalated to a full-on squabble. Over a Christmas tree! One or the other of us would leave and return when things had cooled down. On year four, we had an epiphany that forever changed our decorating approach...

It was the music! The Nutcracker and the London Symphony Orchestra were building in intensity, pace, and dissonance! We internally were mirroring the rising pressure. Just as the next argument was about to hit fever pitch, I recognized it. I hit "Stop." There was silence. We both felt immediate peace. We looked at each other and laughed! The background soundtrack escalated the stress of a double dose of unhealthy perfectionism to unmanageable levels. I can still remember how aware I was of my elevated heart rate in the silence; and how relieved I felt to remove the noise. 

Jon Acuff talks about broken soundtracks in a book by the same name. It's not just external soundtracks that cause us difficulty. It's more often the inner dialogue. The "I am gone so much as a resident, I'm a terrible mom. A perfectChristmas will help make up for it." ... and all the other negative narratives we have playing in the background. What soundtracks are you allowing in the back of your mind that influence how you experience the holidays, work, and life and how you interact with those around you? Once you notice it, you'll be able to start to turn it off and insert Happy Holidays or something more pleasant. 

In case you were wondering, we still enjoy listening to the Nutcracker but not while attempting any "high-stakes tasks." 😉 We also have let go of much of our unhealthy perfectionism, as demonstrated by this year's tree (pictured above), which normally is displayed outside by the front door. 😂