Say It Again

Recently, something happened in a meeting that used to bother me, but now I find it fascinating.

I was catching a colleague up who had missed the previous meeting. We had left one decision unresolved: where to place a particular talk. I mentioned the option we had discussed and asked for her take.

As she began weighing the pros and cons, another member of our small group chimed in.

“You know what might be worth revisiting? Last meeting we talked about putting the option to put the talk here.”

The same idea had just been introduced twice within minutes.

And instead of feeling frustrated, I found myself paying attention to the pattern.

Communication and Listening is really complex: Attention → Hearing → Processing → Understanding → Integration So it’s not a surprise that these patterns happen.

Inattention-related hearing lapses happen when our brains are fully tuned into internal signals. When we focus deeply thinking, analyzing, and connecting ideas, our brains may temporarily filter out incoming sound. The insula is the filter for our brains. and mine seems to be unusually strong. The first time I really recognized this in myself, I was a young leader in a small leadership meeting. I had one of those “thought spark” moments and went deep into my own thinking. When I returned to the present conversation, I excitedly blurted out my amazing epiphany.

The man sitting across from me looked at me and said, “I have literally been saying that exact thing for the past couple of minutes.”

Everyone in the room turned and looked at me.

I laughed and said, “Sorry.”

I’ve seen a version of this phenomenon play out at home too. When my kids were young and I was deep in work or absorbed in a phone conversation, they quickly learned that was the best time to ask for a snack.

Later I would ask why they were eating right before dinner.

Their answer was always the same.

“We asked you. You said uh-huh.”

It reminded me of a similar concept that Ellen Zane, the brilliant and formidable former CEO of Tufts (and who oversaw the merger of Brigham Women and Children’s & Mass Gen), once shared in a leadership lecture I attended.

One of her slides contained just two words:

Repeat. Repeat.

Her point was simple. Leaders should never be surprised when people miss the point, partially hear something, need to hear something more than once before it truly lands, or even if they say, “This is the first I’m hearing of this….”

Important ideas aren’t always fully heard the first go around. The message needs to be shared repeatedly, in multiple ways, through multiple forums and platforms.

In other words, repetition isn’t a communication failure. It’s part of how good leaders learn to communicate because it’s such a complex process.

Moments like these are a helpful reminder that signals drop in communication for many normal reasons.

Recognizing the complexity and the phenomena of patterns can change how we respond when an idea goes unheard.

Instead of assuming someone wasn’t listening, or someone else said it better so theirs was acknowledged, or that our contribution was ignored for various reasons, we can approach the moment with a little more patience, grace and fascination.

And as leaders, we can remember Ellen Zane’s simple advice.

If something matters, say it again.

Then say it again in a different way.

Then say it again later. Then use a different platform and channel.

Nothing has gone wrong. This is just part of the process of working complex situations, humans, and communication realities.

Reflection:

What communication habit might help you communicate your ideas more clearly or help you hear others more fully?

When a signal drops somewhere in the communication process, how might you respond differently if you assume normal processing issues rather than disregard?