John and the Honeymoon Effect

Last week I introduced you to John, a fictional physician whose story reflects common themes many physicians wrestle with. He’s a mid-career family physician wrestling with a career dilemma I hear very frequently: “I’ve never stayed in one job more than x number of years. I feel I need to leave my current one and I think that means something is wrong with me.”

I had already planned to tell the alternate ending of self-assessment and uncovering patterns.

And then, right on time, I caught one of my own patterns…unfortunately, just a tad after the fact. 🤦🏼♀️

I was rushing to finish something important after very little sleep and a delayed red-eye flight. Looking back later with a rested brain, it became obvious there was at least one key conversation I should have had before sending it. In the moment, I genuinely thought I was being responsible, efficient, and creative.

That’s the tricky thing about patterns and limited self-awareness. They often feel completely reasonable on the inside.

Now back to John and self-assessment.

Just like formative feedback in training, it can be uncomfortable to take an honest look at what we may be overlooking.

This kind of self-assessment works best from a place of curiosity and growth. It’s best done as the compassionate, objective observer.

• What clues were there looking back that the job might not be a good fit?
• What did he ignore, if anything?
• What patterns emerged as he looked across multiple jobs?
• What advice would he give his earlier self that was contemplating each job?
• What do others whom he trusts and that will be honest, see or notice?
• And most importantly: what did he want to do with that information moving forward?

In John’s case, once he became a more objective and self-compassionate observer of how things unfolded, he realized something important about his first job. He had wanted it so badly because it matched the mission-driven vision and identity he’d imagined for years.

In hindsight, he also recognized that he had ignored parts of his gut instinct because he didn’t want to disappoint his program director or faculty who were excited for him. Nor did he want to challenge his ideal of what defines a family physician.

The second and third jobs were different. There weren’t necessarily any clues that they may not be good fits. But he did notice something interesting: he often enjoyed a new position for the first 6–18 months before his dissatisfaction slowly grew.

When he brought this to coaching, he realized that pattern actually wasn’t uncommon. The honeymoon effect is real.

After the honeymoon, we see the flaws inherent in all positions. And the truth is that what we focus on expands. So the negativity and frustration will naturally increase.

Once he started focusing heavily on the narrative of dysfunctional administration and broken systems, those frustrations gradually began to outweigh the parts of medicine he still genuinely enjoyed.

He put his brain to work to find the things going well, and participated in the 3 Good Things exercise for 2 weeks. (https://warpwire.duke.edu/w/CUUJAA/)

Things started to feel more balanced. And from that place, he was able to make a more clear decision about staying or leaving or making adjustments. (In this scenario, no matter what decision he made, it was his made from more clarity and intention and with eyes wide opened).

Reflection: Looking back at previous jobs, what clues were there early on that it may not be a good fit? What, if anything, did you ignore when you signed the contract?

What do those whom you respect and trust, see or notice about you and your job choices?