The gift of the benefit of the doubt.

I have friends and colleagues who naturally grew up giving people the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t. Early on, I often assumed the worst about others, I thought it was useful so I wouldn't be taken advantage of. I didn’t see that as a problem until I was well into my training.

Thankfully, medical training by my family medicine attendings opened my eyes. Slowly, I began to learn how powerful it was to assume positive intent, first with patients, and eventually beyond.

Lesson One: Seeing the Story Beneath the Struggle

Like many physicians, I encountered patients who exaggerated symptoms or sought medications in questionable ways. It was easy to let cynicism creep in. But key faculty and colleagues, along with the patients themselves, taught me better.

I remember Dr. Johnson Haynes, a brilliant educator and advocate for patients with sickle cell disease. He gently but firmly challenged our reflexive bias. He helped us understand that what we labeled as “overacting” was often a desperate attempt to be taken seriously, especially in a system that had dismissed them before. He reminded us: pain expression varies, and fear of being ignored can shape how someone presents. His approach combined compassion with clear, objective evaluation.

Lesson Two: Not Every Ask Is What It Seems

Another patient taught me a different version of this lesson. She’d lived with chronic pain and nausea, and although her chart was marked “no controlled substances,” she regularly asked for sedating medications.

At first, I saw her as manipulative. But faculty helped me dig deeper. Over time, I came to understand that what she really needed was an escape—from stress, isolation, and the demands of being a single mom. She didn’t turn to alcohol or illicit drugs, but prescription meds felt more acceptable to her. When we talked openly, she shared that truth. From there, we worked to connect her with mental health and social support. She began to improve before I graduated.

Giving her the benefit of the doubt didn’t mean giving her what she asked for. It meant not writing her off. It meant staying curious long enough to offer something more helpful.

Expanding the Lens Beyond Patients

Even after those experiences, I didn’t realize how little grace I extended to others in life. I often assumed the worst, not just out of habit, but as a kind of defense. If I expected to be disappointed or taken advantage of, maybe I could avoid feeling it.

Then one day, my wise and wonderful friend Connie responded to a passing comment with a gentle, “You know, I find it’s best just to give people the benefit of the doubt.”

It landed. I began to realize how much that mindset aligned with my own values of kindness and generosity. I started offering it more freely—not just to patients, but to colleagues, family, even strangers. Often they never even knew. But I did. It shifted something in me.

The Coaching Paradox: It Helps Even When You're Wrong

As a coach, I now see an even deeper truth: giving someone the benefit of the doubt is also a gift to yourself.

Let me be clear - this isn’t about transactional trust. If someone emails saying you’ve won $1 million and just need to send your bank account info? Please don’t give them the benefit of the doubt.

But in the internal world—our assumptions, reactions, and mental narratives—assuming positive intent makes your experience better. Even if you’re wrong.

One of my resident clients illustrated this beautifully. He’d had a tough interaction with an attending and spent the week ruminating: “He’s out to get me,” “He thinks I’m a terrible resident,” and so on. When we broke it down, the actual comment from the attending was: “Why do you think this is the best course of action, and can you back it up with evidence?”

Once the resident separated the facts from his interpretation, he realized: if he’d assumed good intent, he could have avoided a week of anguish. Even if the attending had meant to make him feel little, that mindset would have spared him unnecessary suffering, and still left him with a choice of how to respond. (BTW turned out it was just the attendings teaching style and embracing it helped the resident grow).

That’s the paradox: extending benefit of the doubt doesn’t just serve others—it serves us.

There’s less frustration, less reactivity, more peace. You don’t even have to find out if you were right. Your day still goes better.

Reflection Prompt
Where in your week are you assuming the worst? What might shift if you gave the benefit of the doubt—even quietly, even once?

Have a joy-filled week. Tonya