When the Jacket Fits, Story and Reflection

Once upon a time, as core faculty with various leadership roles, I was unexpectedly summoned to meet with the program director. He said he wanted to discuss my attitude with me. "MY attitude??!!" I thought. I was busting my tail to make the program better. What could possibly be wrong with my attitude?

He said that my criticism of the program recently was causing discontent among the staff. 'Oh - he just doesn't get what I'm doing,' I thought. 'I'll explain, and he'll see the light.' "Harold, this is just how my mind works. I automatically see areas we can improve and what's possible, and I go to work on them. Nothing has changed. I've been this way since you hired me."

To his credit, he paused and reflected. Then, he offered that at one time, it was as if I was sitting next to him pointing out areas we could address, but more recently, it was as if I crossed over the table to face him and was pointing at him in a more blame-type approach.

Hmm. I always encourage residents to bypass the initial defense of the ego and try on the feedback like atailor-made jacket fitting. "What fits, what doesn't?" I took a breath and tried it on. Dang!

The jacket fit perfectly. He was right. I did, at some point, go from collaborative partner for improvement to critical blamer. Wow. When and how did that happen? I owned up to my new realization. It was both a growth point for me going forward and continues to be a gift I use for myself, residents, and all whom I coach. This is how we improve and become more effective.

Not only that, it was a pivotal conversation for me to recognize I was burned out. That's what had changed. Now when I find myself seeing things that could be better, I can reflect and determine if it's in that collaborative partnership way of striving for excellence, or if it's from that critical blaming place. The latter now serves as my warning sign that I need to slow down, look at my work/life harmony and my rest and recovery, and begin making needed adjustments.

Reflection: Where do you want/need feedback? Who do you want to ask?

The next opportunity you have to receive feedback. Ask for it, and try it on. ACCEPT the positives, savor them - give them just as much air-time in your mind as the constructive ones.

For the constructive feedback (I like that term better than negative feedback), try it on. For real. What fits? What doesn't? What do you need clarified?

For the parts that fit - What changes do you want to make going forward?

For the parts that don't - What do you want to speak to? What do you need to let go of and realize that sometimes other humans get it wrong? Rumination doesn't need to be a part of feedback. Look forward, not back.

James Clear once said, "The trick to viewing feedback as a gift is to be more worried about having blind spots than hearing about them."

Reflect, own, grow, plan, let go, and move on.