The Youngest Flower Girl: Story and Reflection

I'm not sure every parent of a flower girl fears how the ceremony will go, but my husband and I sure did years ago. You see, our oldest was invited to be the flower girl for 2 of our med school classmates when she was barely three years old. We had many voices of experience say she's too young. And with naivety, we ignored them. The fact that it was a very large, very formal wedding added pressure to our already perfectionistic worries. There was much practice. And there was a backup plan in place - we would have her sit down during the ceremony if needed. So, we would sit in the very front on the bride's side.

The day was upon us. She was very excited. She got dressed with the wedding party - no parents allowed. The nerves were running high. Then the music started, and we watched the attendants enter. Then came our precious little girl down the aisle, smiling and spreading petals just like she had practiced. Not too fast, not too slow. We stood as the bride entered, but our eyes remained on the flower girl as she navigated the stairs. We watched as the bride's father traditionally gave his daughter away, as our girl made it to her spot on the stage. Everything was going smoothly and according to plan until, I noticed the sound of the maid-of-honor's shoes as she straightened out the train on the bride's dress. They were surprisingly loud. 🤔

That's when I realized the music had stopped. I gulped and slowly peered around and behind us in the large auditorium, confirming my suspicion that we were the only ones standing in the audience! 😬 We had been so focused on our daughter that we missed the social cue to be seated. I grabbed my husband's arm and, with great force, plopped us both down on the pew.

And that's when it went from bad to worse. We started laughing. That belly-laugh type of chuckle that shakes your whole body when you try to suppress it. And then there came the snorting. And we couldn't stop. The horror! We did keep it as quiet as humanly possible. It makes me laugh out loud with a hint of embarrassment and remorse even now.

Our daughter did fine. It was her parents who caused a scene in this very formal setting. Our friends, fortunately, were focused on the whole getting-married thing, so it didn't really distract them.

Sometimes we become overly focused on one detail and miss the big picture. It may be that one piece of constructive (or not so constructive) feedback, that one situation where we want a do-over, our inner critic, or a hyperfocus on one decision.

Zooming out to see the whole picture is a helpful process. You can then see the positives along with the negatives - the balance of truth.

Reflection: What is the "sound of the shoes on the stage" for you? What's the tell-tale sign you are possibly missing the forest for the trees? How do you go from recognition to zooming out? What questions do you ask yourself to remain free of the all-or-nothing thinking? How do you counterbalance your inherent negativity bias? What is effective for you to see the full picture? It's okay to focus; we just don't lose perspective while doing so.

Several of our classmates took advantage of the reception to rib us about how special we must be to be the last seated. 🤣 And, so as I zoom out - it was a beautiful wedding - there was so much more going on than our small piece of entertainment. And, as usual, we made some great memories to laugh about later.