The Snapshot: Story and Reflection

One day around 30 years ago or so, my husband, a 3rd year medical student had the weekend off and I, a 2nd year, had no upcoming exams. So, we drove an hour to visit family. We, including our 4 year old, wanted to show off how our newborn had grown.

I had taken a whopping 1-week off for maternity leave (most medical schools at that time didn't have much flexibility for preclinical new moms post-partum without losing a year of training - so I did what we do).

Our oldest was a delight and loved being a big sister. Our youngest was in that adorable chubby-cheek cooing stage. We watched our extended family enjoy our kids and show genuine joy during our visit. We ate, laughed, and played pass-the-baby.

When it was time to leave, we loaded in our used navy blue Ford F150 that my husband had worked hard for. We strapped in the rear-facing infant seat while the oldest and I double-buckled (gasp - I'm horrified looking back - but that's we did to make that little truck work. 🤦🏼♀️ Thankfully, we were never in a wreck.)

It was dusk as we ambled down the interstate in satisfied silence. My heart was so full as I looked at my husband in the waning ambient light and then at our two girls. I can remember wanting to capture that moment, but alas there were no cell phone cameras at the time. So I took a mental picture. It's still just as clear today as ever. And more clear than 1000's of other moments I have captured with my phone ever since.

It was fascinating—during my first course of coach training almost five years ago, one of the exercises had us go back to a time when we felt deep joy. This photo (in my mind—not my pitiful attempt at an AI graphic above 😉) immediately came to mind. Then we were asked, "What needs and values were being met at that time? What role did you play in making that happen? And, how can you bring more of that about now?"

Well, I immediately thought of the sense of belonging, time with family, and purpose were being met. What role did I play in making it come about? - The conversations about child-spacing, the brainstorms around how we could make it happen, the effort and time fit in extended-family time. To bring more of that now? My default brain offered, "I need to work less and have less on my plate. Yeah! That's what I need."

And then the "Aha." Did you catch the point about that incredible joy existing while both my husband and I were in medical school with 2 kids, one an infant? I had as many tasks in my life as I could pile on. What was my default brain talking about? That moment had nothing to do with a luxurious amount of free time. What I uncovered was it was the downtime in the midst of meaningful hard-work toward goals, the being fully present and soaking up every moment of time together, and finding joy in the journey of that car ride. Hmm....

What about you? What's going through your mind? What would your answers be to the exercise above? How can you be on to your "default" brain and tell yourself the full story?

I only wish my middle-aged brain could keep as many meaningful snapshots as my iPhone these days! 😂