The Dilemma: Story and Reflection

Many of you have heard me tell how being a great wife landed me in Alaska from Florida in 2007. It has been a fantastic decision. I don't often talk about the fears I had. I worried about moving an 8th grader away from good friends and the sunny beach to an unknown, cold, dark place (the story of Alaska before my move is an example of the danger of a single story highlighted in this powerful TED talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9Ihs241zeg.)

 Middle school is a tough time for teen girls. I wondered if my youngest would become depressed, withdrawn, and angry at us. Would she fall in with a crowd that influenced her toward bad choices? So, I eased into the transition. I had excitingly accepted an academic position at the residency. Still, I insisted on starting six months after our move so I could be available if anything should go awry for her. I volunteered intermittently in the community. Things, however, went exceedingly well.

As my official start date approached, the program director said he had 1.5 FTE available and needed to know if I wanted full-time or part-time. He was giving me the choice as another applicant would take the remaining FTE.

I couldn't decide. It was a dream job; I wanted to be all in. However, at the time, I excelled in catastrophizing. I quickly imagined that working full-time would cause a negative spiral for my daughter. I felt stuck.

And that's when my PD opened up a whole new idea. It was simple, really. He could offer us both 0.8 FTE and fudge the 0.1 overage. Brilliant! And a perfect fit for me.

This was my first recognition of all-or-nothing thinking. I heard 1.5 FTE and only saw a binary choice: 1 or 0.5 FTE. I failed to see the in-between.

This is so often the case. We fail to expand and see all the options. We see black or white; we fail to consider gray.

Reflection: What may be the all-or-nothing choices you're limiting yourself to? How can you tune in and challenge the assumption?

Now, when I recognize I'm considering a binary choice, I challenge myself to search for other solutions. Sometimes, I find my favorite answer there.

By the way, my daughter thrived in Alaska - made some more amazing friends including her future husband. (We can talk about how I've (mostly) overcome my catastrophizing another day. 😉)