Reflection: What's Left?

A couple of years ago, at the BE Conference in Scottsdale, speaker and drama researcher, Cy Wakeman demonstrated a tool she called "Edit Your Story" to a room of hundreds of women physicians. She asked for show of hands of who worked with a difficult person on a regular basis. (I snapped the photo above photo when the room was almost unanimous in their response. Nice to know you're not alone, right?)

Cy then asked for someone to take the mic and explain their situation. A woman took the mic and told about her boss and others in administration. They expected more than she could give, they didn’t listen to her or anyone else as they made complaints and suggestions. As she rattled off the list of offenses she endured, the crowd became a bit worked up on her behalf. The angered passion in her voice led the room to nod in solidarity. Some shouted – “Leave!” Cy, in the meantime was scribbling away on a piece of paper. The story finally came to a pause, and all eyes shifted back to Cy.

She then explained she'd made 2 columns on the piece of paper. On the left was labeled “This” and on the right, “That.”

Let me read you the “That” first and she proceeded to read almost verbatim much of what the woman had said. “This is story – this is your narrative.” She then read the items under “This,” which had 3 simple things. She has a boss. The boss sent an email saying “xyz”. And something else I no longer remember.

She tore the paper in two, right down the middle. Then Cy, in her unique, unapologetic way, crumpled the right half and threw it to the ground. She said, "Now that we’ve dropped the drama, I’m going to read you the 'this' again." After reading the facts, she said, "That's it. Now, what’s the next thing you want to do?" There was a palpable shift in the room. Everyone, including the woman, appeared grounded, calm, and clear. She gets to decide what she will do with the facts. And she can do it in a way she’s proud of. I'd love to give you the follow up, though I don't know what she ended up doing.

Reflection: So, I invite you to remember and accept (without endorsement) whatever is your currentunprefered reality (Cy's term). Focus on the things that are working well in your sphere. Perform your own “This” and “That” Story Edit exercise. What’s left as you crumple and toss the narrative and catastrophizing to the ground? With the drama dropped, what’s the next best step for you?

Choose your hard. You get to decide. I support you. The only thing I hope for all of you is that you regain groundedness and clarity - and know that you're not alone.