Reflecting on Two Things

In preparing for the AMWA Evolve Leadership Course for trainees session on Difficult Conversations, I've been reflecting on principles from Crucial Conversations, Super Communicators, Non-Violent Communication, and How to Work with Almost Anyone (all highly recommended books).

We often fall into the trap of 'either-or' thinking, a concept explored in Crucial Conversations as the 'Fool's Choice.' This binary mindset, also known as black-and-white thinking, prevents us from recognizing the nuances and complexities of situations. We believe we must choose between two extremes, like speaking up or preserving a relationship, without considering alternative paths that allow for both.

This tendency of binary thinking can spill over into overgeneralizaiton and false categorization of people as either this-or that. A poignant example of that is illustratation by my friend - she accurately described her in-laws as both incredibly generous and extremely frugal.

They generously offered to cover her family's flight to a family get-together but chose the most budget-friendly (and inconvenient) option with multiple layovers and a red-eye. My friend experienced both appreciation for their generosity and annoyance at the impractical travel plan. See all the polarities?

This highlights the reality that two seemingly opposing truths can coexist.

Issues in our world today, especially in our relationships, demand a more nuanced approach. By embracing polarities thinking – actively searching for third, fourth, or even fifth perspectives – we acknowledge the gray areas or overlap. This allows us to understand others' viewpoints, even when we disagree, and ultimately find common ground and shared goals - often discovering outside-the-box strategies to moving through conflict.

Reflection: In what areas of your life are you currently defaulting to black-and-white thinking? How might embracing polarities thinking help you navigate these situations with greater understanding and grace? What fool's choices are you potentially making? What categories do you automatically put people in? What would change if you allow for all the seeming contradictions without judgment to expand your view of them?

I leave you with a separate but related concept. This comment from an unnamed Dean of Education at an unidentified university sums it up - "Speak your Truth, but Mind your Wake."

We must be willing to address difficult topics and issues, but we also have a responsibility to do so with kindness and compassion - they aren't mutually exclusive. Thoughts?