Meet the Coach Testimonials Physician Growth Framework Self-Coaching Program Resource Hub
← Back to all posts

Performance Reflection

by Dr. Tonya Caylor
Jun 11, 2025

I often talk with residents about what I term "performance mode" and how it negatively impacts us. It's that feeling of playing a persona in order to fit the mold, earn praise, and be accepted.

We are socialized as we progress through premed and medical school to look for the approval of others - to get the grade, the positive evaluation, the letter of recommendation. It's akin to being on a stage with the spotlight on you. The critics are out there somewhere ready to write harsh reviews. The insecurity-driven anxiety causes undue stress. The focus is on other people's opinions - and it's a short trip to tying your own self-worth to others' opinions and becoming overly reliant on external validation.

The really cool thing about working with residents is continuously being reminded how brilliant they are.

As I unpacked this concept recently - one said - "Esse Quam Videri” (Essay Kwam Wee-day-ree) To be, rather than to seem." That's it! Precisely what I had been trying to convey the past 5 minutes - summed up in one Latin phrase.

When we switch to just being (and doing) for our internally driven motives focused on our patients or the tasks at hand and our own validation checklist - separated from opinions or outcomes - we are more in alignment.

Then, we must trust that others can see us accurately. And, when there is feedback to do things differently- we can see it as useful for growth, data to keep in mind and look for patterns, or even occasionally someone's opinion that isn't accurate. People have the right to be wrong about us.

But it doesn't have to be tied to your worthiness. So, I offer you direction to "Exit stage right" and drop the persona. Be yourself, listen to feedback, grow to optimize your impact in the realms you choose to be in. That's what you're here for.

Responses

Join the conversation
t("newsletters.loading")
Loading...
When Difficult Gets Interesting
I was recently talking with a leader who had navigated a complex, high-stakes situation. We discussed the stress she had experienced. I asked if in the midst of it, she had also felt energized by the challenge. I saw a little twinkle in her eye as she said, “a little.” And so, no surprise, that got me thinking about people I've known who, even during extraordinarily difficult circumstances, fin...
Asking a Better Question
One of the most powerful things we can learn is that the way we think about a situation shapes how we experience it. The facts of a situation may be outside our control. (Other people certainly are.) But between what happens and how we respond, our brains are busy making meaning – it automatically offers us thoughts, which influence how we feel, which influences how we behave, and ultimately th...
Called Up
Not too long ago, I was coaching a resident who had been struggling. Over the course of our work together, we unpacked a lot. On the last session, she said something that I will carry forward from here on out. When I asked what she was taking away from our coaching, she told me she had remembered who she truly was. She had regained perspective, empathy, and compassion, not only for others, but ...

Joy in Family Medicine – Stories & Reflections

Lessons, lightbulb moments, and honest reflections from life inside and outside medicine - served with a side of perspective.
Powered by Kajabi

Stay Connected


Join my mailing list to receive free weekly tips and insights!