Performance Reflection

I often talk with residents about what I term "performance mode" and how it negatively impacts us. It's that feeling of playing a persona in order to fit the mold, earn praise, and be accepted.

We are socialized as we progress through premed and medical school to look for the approval of others - to get the grade, the positive evaluation, the letter of recommendation. It's akin to being on a stage with the spotlight on you. The critics are out there somewhere ready to write harsh reviews. The insecurity-driven anxiety causes undue stress. The focus is on other people's opinions - and it's a short trip to tying your own self-worth to others' opinions and becoming overly reliant on external validation.

The really cool thing about working with residents is continuously being reminded how brilliant they are.

As I unpacked this concept recently - one said - "Esse Quam Videri” (Essay Kwam Wee-day-ree) To be, rather than to seem." That's it! Precisely what I had been trying to convey the past 5 minutes - summed up in one Latin phrase.

When we switch to just being (and doing) for our internally driven motives focused on our patients or the tasks at hand and our own validation checklist - separated from opinions or outcomes - we are more in alignment.

Then, we must trust that others can see us accurately. And, when there is feedback to do things differently- we can see it as useful for growth, data to keep in mind and look for patterns, or even occasionally someone's opinion that isn't accurate. People have the right to be wrong about us.

But it doesn't have to be tied to your worthiness. So, I offer you direction to "Exit stage right" and drop the persona. Be yourself, listen to feedback, grow to optimize your impact in the realms you choose to be in. That's what you're here for.