Grateful for Rejection? A Post-Thanksgiving Reflection
If you’re feeling maxed out on gratitude messages this month, you’re not alone. The day after Thanksgiving tends to expose the gap between the gratitude we’re “supposed” to feel and how our brains actually work. That gap is where the science gets interesting. So instead of another round of holiday cheer, I’m offering a simple, evidence-based mindset reset and a brief story about a moment I didn’t appreciate until well after it had passed.
The Mindset Flip Our Brains Need
Psychologists have long known that we’re wired to notice and remember the negative more than the positive. It’s the ever present negativity bias that worsens under stress. It was once an adaptive trait that now leaves many clinicians with a skewed view of how the day actually went.
One of the most consistently studied antidotes is the Three Good Things exercise, first introduced by Dr. Martin Seligman and later tested extensively in healthcare settings by Dr. Bryan Sexton at Duke.
The practice is simple:
- Each night for 15 days in the hour before you go to sleep, write down three things that went well. (Set a reminder - don’t miss a night!)
- Note your role in making them happen.
- That’s it.
It puts your detective brain on task to start noticing the positive (it may take a couple of days). It also leverages the fact that your brain rehearses the last thoughts before sleep. The research shows meaningful improvements in sleep, mood, burnout, and happiness scores and the 15 nights of minimal free effort - lasts overall over 6 months. It’s a small intervention with a measurable impact.
When Gratitude Gets Twisted by Ego
Cy Wakeman has pointed out that even helpful practices such as gratefulness can go sideways when our ego takes over. It can become a performance metric. We literally can start grading our list each night.
Her reset is direct and practical: When the ego highjacks your gratitude practice by scoring, pause and ask:
“What went pretty well today?” Small and ordinary count.
Another small shift: “Who else played a role in it?” Being generous with your gratitude toward others helps reclaim true gratefulness.
A “No” That Turned Into Something Better
Some time back, I applied for a role that I genuinely became to believe would be the next step in my career. I could envision the impact and the purpose. I went through the process and believed it might be mine.
It wasn’t. Someone else was chosen.
The disappointment was sharp. I questioned what it meant for my value and direction. And for a while, it simply felt like loss. Trust me - there was zero gratitude.
What I couldn’t see then was how much space I created for that role, that was suddenly a void when the “no” came. Space I wouldn’t have made on my own. That unexpected margin eventually filled with some of the most meaningful work I’ve done, work that fit me in ways I couldn’t have predicted.
It didn’t feel like gratitude at the time. It does now. Some gratitude only arrives in hindsight.
A Reflection for the Week Ahead
If you want a practical reset as we move into the rest of the season:
- Who made something easier or brighter for you this week? Savor the gratitude toward others. Maybe even tell them.
- What’s a recent disappointment you’ve experienced, and how might you choose to believe it’s not the completed story yet?
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