Costly Lunch Laughs, Story and Reflection

Back in 2003, I was with four friends in Germany. We ducked into a diner for lunch. The two guys were just hilarious. Their dry sense of humor and perfect timing had us laughing so hard we could barely catch our breaths - literally for my friend Cheryl. 😳

She inhaled food upon laughing, and then suddenly, she was silent. She looked at me intently pointing to her neck as she had exaggerated breathing motions. I could hear a little air exchange. I encouraged her not to panic. She tried breathing through her nose - and then the air movement stopped, and she made the universal sign. The other 3 friends (non-medical) looked at me, and we all stood.

I remember it in slow motion - thinking, "Why are they looking at me?! Just because I'm a doctor doesn't mean I perform the Heimlich all the time- or ever, for that matter! I avoided Emergency Medicine for a reason. I don't want to be here. I don't want this to be happening. Isn't there someone else who should be the one to do this?"

But I knew. It was me. I did my best to project "calm" as I got behind her. As I placed my hands just under the xyphoid, I whispered, "It's going to be okay" - partly to her and partly to myself. The first attempt was light. (I was picturing breaking her ribs in another country). It didn't work. So, I amped up the effort a bit. Failed. I looked at Reuben - much more muscular than me and said "If I don't get it this time, you're up." I used all of my might...

The obstruction was relieved! 😅 (As an aside, five Americans causing a spectacle in the middle of the café and no one was looking at us. Everyone pretended to be eating calmly not noticing. That added to the altered sense of the reality of the event.)

This memory came up for me recently as I was coaching someone on a situation in which she knew, in her inner being, she was the person to do the uncomfortable thing, but with a part of her saying, "I don't want it to be me."

Whether it's a code situation or a dozen other circumstances, we can have polarized reactions simultaneously. The key is to understand the "knowing" that It's right for you now despite the discomfort. And, then be compassionate to yourself as your more primitive brain, tasked with keeping you safe, conserving your energy, and helping you seek comfort, is screaming the opposite. You're not an awful person if you have the urge to climb under the cafe table and wait for someone else to rise to the occasion.

 😉 But once you know, you know. And you do it despite the fear and uncertainty.

Reflection: What situations are you facing right now, where you know for sure, but your amygdala is shouting at you to hide and stay safe, play small, etc? What will help you lean into the discomfort?

My friend Cheryl recently visited Alaska. She's doing well. We still had lots of laughs, though maybe less so while eating. 😉